Last updated 2/8/2019 at 4:03 AM
Lately, I’ve been starting to feel like a bit of a fraud. My blog has gotten a handful of readers, but it definitely hasn’t gone viral yet. My subconscious transmutation technique has produced some results, but not the miraculous results I initially thought it would. I’m having trouble practicing my own meditation technique. I’m still fat, I’m still poor, and I’m still no closer to meeting the partner of my dreams. And this whole time, I’m reciting in my head what I’m sure must be a familiar refrain to people perusing self help sections in bookstores:
What’s wrong with me?
Maybe the answer is simple: nothing.
Since I do try to evolve my opinions, I’ve been starting to do some light research on the self help industry, including testimony from former self help gurus. What I’ve found is that often, the “gurus” we’ve all been turning to for advice are either small fish like me who are desperately trying to believe their own advice (and failing at it), or big fish like Dr. Phil (or, as my friend calls him, “Dr. Pill”) and Deepak Chopra, who have more or less completely sold out and made their empire off the backs of floundering people desperate for change. Of course, this culture of self-help is closely tied to the self-esteem movement that the government began pushing on kids when I was in grade school in the 1990s. It’s no secret that this movement has backfired disastrously among Millennials. Almost all of us have learned the hard way that real life doesn’t live up to the “Power of Positive Thinking” propaganda we were taught in school.
So I’m trying a different route in my own life: radical acceptance. Yes, I’m alone. Yes, it’s almost impossible to meet people these days outside of bars, apps, and jobs – and even then, it’s difficult. Yes, I play videogames way more than I want to. Yes, I’m on disability, and despite the fact that I’m getting treatment, antipsychotics still don’t stop the voices and visions from mind f**king my brain (and never have). Yes, I’m depressed a lot of the time. Yes, I make peanuts for money, and it’s not nearly enough to afford the off grid cabin in the Colorado mountains that I so desperately want so I can get away from this clusterf**k of a world. And yes, thinking about all of this – and contrasting it with the endless supply of self-help advice on the Internet – makes me feel like kind of a loser.
And you know what? All of that is okay. I’m starting to get that. I recently finished reading a wonderful book on Complex PTSD by Pete Walker. (He believes that if more psychiatrists knew about C-PTSD, the DSM could be shrunk to the size of a pamphlet overnight.) Walker talks extensively about emotional flashbacks – emotionally distressed states where we unconsciously regress to our childhood traumas – and lays out a practical, step-by-step plan for dealing with them by redirecting your anger and standing up to the bully inside your head that demands perfection from yourself and others.
I’ve started to do this myself, and I’m starting to feel the results. It feels so wrong, though, because it goes against every self-help platitude I’ve heard growing up. Accept that life sucks? Accept that you’re never going to be perfect, and that’s okay? Accept that you don’t have to be rich, thin, or partnered to find satisfaction in life? “Stop being so negative and create the life you want.” “You have two choices: stay where you are, and be miserable, or change your attitude, and change your life.” “Get off your ass, become an entrepreneur, and start meditating again, loser,” the self-help gurus cry.
Though it sounds like an intimidating and traumatic condition, C-PTSD is actually an extremely common ailment from living in our narcissistic, selfish society. After all, when you’re ruled by a god – and his deranged followers in the global elite – who insists he’s perfect, even though he’s clearly not…isn’t that a form of narcissistic abuse? Ironically enough, it’s Satanists that seem to understand the god of this world better than anyone. Everyone else is still getting on their knees for Lucifer, insisting that he’s perfect, all-good, and all-knowing, and will fix the gigantic mess on this planet (that he created when he rebelled against the Holy DUO) “Soon”.™
This brought me back to a central theme in my own research: the Great Deception. I personally believe that the entire New Age movement, including the self-help industry, is a propaganda campaign by Ea / Lucifer’s Federation to prepare us for their “event”. Now that the “peace, happiness, and love” movement of the 1960s has given way to the perpetual war, misery, and hate machine that we currently see taking over our lives, proponents of this movement seem to be doubling down and insisting that things will get better “soon”. “Don’t worry guys,” they say: “the ‘Great Awakening’ is just around the corner! Soon, star beings of love and light will come and fix this mess! All will be forgiven, and we’ll have happiness and rainbows and peace, just like we promised!”
But is that really the case, though? Considering everything that’s happened since the 1960s, I’m starting to wonder if I, too, have been misled. If aliens really have been in contact with our race and trying to help us towards their imagined utopia over the past 70 years – or possibly even longer – the fact that things have gotten even worse in that very short time frame should be a clue that their planned utopia might be closer to a dystopia. Even UFO researchers agree that aliens seem to be socialist, and we all know how that’s worked out for humans so far.
My opinion, on the other hand, is that this planet has been occupied for a very long time (432,000 years, perhaps even longer, according to my research), that we’ve been hostages to Lucifer and have developed a classic case of Stockholm Syndrome, and that we just need to collectively stop jumping through this false god’s hoops. This is why records of a Golden Age exist all across the world – that was back when the True God (and Goddess) were in charge! In contrast, I don’t think that many people would argue that we’re living in a Golden Age right now! If we did, the self-help industry wouldn’t even exist!
And ironically, accepting that all of that is okay – instead of screaming fruitlessly that people need to change and be more positive so we can save the world together, damn it – has given me a remarkable amount of peace in a very short amount of time. If there’s one thing my time living homeless on the streets of New York City taught me, it’s that as long as you have food and water (and more often than not, people will just give it to you if you don’t have it), you can survive anything. It might not be comfortable, it might not be pleasant, it might not be glamorous…but you will survive, and that’s all (the real) God expects of you.
And I think that I’m getting to the point in my research where I’m finally accepting that. I have to stop blaming myself for everything. Just because I’m not Dr. Phil or Rhonda Byrnes doesn’t mean I’m a failure of a person.
After all, it was Dr. Phil, the king of daytime self-help gurus, who gave us…this thing. (Warning: video contains profanity and also may cause a profound loss of hope in humanity when you consider she’s probably much richer than either of us)
If this is what “success” looks like…maybe I’m better off being a lifeless loser!
The Book of ARDANIS 